Discipline and Positive Parenting
Knowing how to best understand and guide your child’s behaviour can ...
READ MEChallenging Behaviours: Tantrums
Managing tantrums can be an emotional time! We can help you get through it with confidence.
Tantrums express feelings without words
Underneath the emotional outburst is a need or emotion your child is trying to make sense of and express.
- Many parents find tantrums stressful at times! Be kind and patient with yourself and your child
- Kids are not born knowing how to behave – it’s our role as adults to help guide them
- Tantrums are common for kids 2-3 years of age and are a normal part of development
- Tantrums can happen when your child is feeling overwhelmed and they haven’t found other ways to express themselves
Why tantrums can happen
Here are some things that can increase the chances of a tantrum:
Struggling to express themselves fully
Learning a new and challenging skill
Experiencing overwhelming emotions
Adjusting to changes and new situations
Temperament - how strongly a child will react to situations
Feeling stressed, tired, hungry or over-stimulated
Responding to tantrums in the moment
It’s hard to keep your cool and manage your child’s tantrum when they’re screaming and crying, so it can help to have some key strategies in place. Here are a few things that can help in the moment:
- Stay calm – Fake it till you make it! Take a moment to think about how you will respond
- Acknowledge and reassure feelings – This shows that you care eg. “you dropped your toy and it’s really upsetting”
- Divert and distract – Help your child focus on something else by moving to a different place, changing activities or offering them a different object
- If your child is hurting themselves or others – You may need to move them to a safe space until they are calm
- Talk it through – Help them understand what happened, the feelings they felt and why. This helps your child’s emotional development
- Reward positive behaviours – Once they have calmed down and stayed calm for a little while, reward them with positive attention
- Be consistent – Try not to accidentally reward a tantrum by giving in to their wants
Preventing tantrums
Sometimes tantrums are unavoidable! But there are ways you can minimise the stress for you and your child.
- Tune in to your child: Consider things from your child’s perspective and what they might be trying to express
- Make a plan: Have a plan for how you will handle situations that may trigger tantrums eg. avoiding busy times at the shops
- Reinforce the positives: Encourage positivity with praise and attention when they behave well during stressful situations
- Be a role model: Teach your child how to deal with their feelings through your own actions
- Notice triggers: When stressful situations come up notice the signs of a tantrum beginning and act early
- Consider your routine: Kids feel secure when they know what to expect so plan out their day and try to keep to a routine
- Be flexible: Sometimes the plan won’t work and that’s ok – do what you need to on the days when it seems nothing is working
When support might be needed
If your child’s tantrums are happening more often or are more intense than usual it can be helpful to seek out more support.
- See your GP or Child Health Nurse
- Talk with a counsellor
- Visit raisingchildren.net.au for more information
- Talk to family and friends with kids
If you find yourself feeling lost, remember you’re not alone
Kids don’t come with a manual, so parenting often involves trial and error.
To talk through other strategies for managing challenging behaviours give us a call on 1300 30 1300 (QLD & NT) and speak to one of our trained counsellors.
Not living in QLD or NT? Check out this list of Parentline counselling services in each state and territory.
This content was last reviewed 17/05/2018
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